Do you need any stinkin' rules while on vacation?
As Aviva and I sipped our margaritas on the porch of the snack bar and delved into an order of quesadillas , we heard a deep booming voice from above. It said, “JAKE, GET ON THE SIDEWALK, WE NEED TO GO BACK TO THE ROOM. NOW!”
We both looked up to see a harried father standing on the sidewalk and a little bit further down along the beach was a small figure in a red bathing suit running in his direction, which we concluded was his son.
Again the voice called out, “JAKE, I MEAN IT, GET ON THE SIDEWALK SO WE CAN GO BACK TO THE ROOM AND CHANGE FOR DINNER!” A tiny voice called back from the beach, “Dad, I'm coming!” But this information didn't stop his father from responding, “I SEE YOU, BUT YOU AREN'T ON THE SIDEWALK. GET ON THE SIDEWALK!”
The exasperated father was so involved with controlling his son's behavior, he lost sight of the big picture; both father and son were heading in the same direction, only they traveled on parallel paths. Sort of like one if by sidewalk and two if by sand. As we watched the drama unfold, the son took off in the opposite direction, as if to point out to his father, “Look Daddy-O, you need to chill, we're on vacation and I want to run with my feet in the sand, something I don't get to do when it's January in Chicago.”
The booming voice from above repeated itself, “JAKE, GET ON THE SIDEWALK, WE NEED TO GO BACK TO THE ROOM. NOW!”
Only this time, the small voice didn't respond. His son was now out of range and just a dot of cardinal red in the distance. The dad looked over at Aviva and me, shrugged as if to say, “I don't know what else I can do here!” turned on his heel and began heading off in the direction his son had ran.
Of course HE remained on the sidewalk.
Aviva and I shared a quick look, and because we often joke that our two brains often make up a fully functioning single brain, we didn't even have to say out loud what we both were thinking, “It's difficult for some parents to re-define rules on vacation and actually relax.
We then came up with a few ideas families can use so they can have a vacation without chaos, and have rules along with relaxation:
Kick off your shoes, literally. Hold them in your hands and walk in the sand along with your offspring. It may not be as fast, but didn’t you come to the beach to experience the beach? Cement is at home, sand may not be as accessible.
Adjust bedtime a bit. The chance to stay up later at night and sleep longer in the morning is a real vacation treat and makes kids feel extra special! However, if you have an excursion planned, communicate to the kids that rising and shining in the AM will be required, regardless of what time everyone goes to sleep. Given this information, your kids may surprise you, figure out they need more sleep and ask to head back to the room earlier than you ever expected.
Stick with the at-home rules you consider non-negotiable, even when on vacation, and definitely follow all posted rules at the resort. For example, your older children may be given some free range to explore the resort and a later curfew, but this increase in personal freedom doesn’t mean they can behave however they so desire. It is perfectly reasonable for you to require your kids to check in at designated times, follow the rules at the resort and be respectful to other guests and staff.
Good manners are packed into people, not suitcases, they go wherever you go and aren’t left accidentally at home like a pair of flip flops. Let your kids know that while you may be relaxing some of the rules, you aren’t relaxing on expectations of behavior. On the flip side, remember just because you are on vacation with people you “don’t know and might never see again,” this is no excuse for bad behavior on your part either. It’s important for your kids to see you being consistent too.
Rules exist for a reason. Some of them are based on expectations of social behavior and a desire to keep our children safe, but many of the rules we set are because we lead busy lives and they provide structure to our days to make time management easier and help households run more smoothly. But when tight schedules and the demands of work, school, and extra-curricular activities are left behind and fun and free time wait ahead of everyone, there are rules which can be adjusted. Prior to your trip, or upon arrival, a brief family discussion about the lay of the land while on vacation means you can make temporary changes to your family rules without losing credibility when you return home and the typical rules are reinstated.
We look forward to the next time we hear the deep voice from above and it says, “JAKE, WAIT FOR DADDY!” and we see Daddy-O run down to the beach and join his son for a romp along the water.
0 Comments