"Why is that woman topless?" and other tricky questions your kids ask, and expect you to answer, while on vacation.
It's one thing when your toddler son wanders up and down the aisle of the grocery store loudly repeating “Damn-it!” because he's heard you use the word and wants to try it out for himself. It's quite another when you get broadsided by a question you hadn't anticipated. Something along the lines of your daughter inquiring at the park, “Why is that man so fat?” And of course these wonderings aren't asked in hushed tones whispered into an ear. No way. They may as well have been on a public address system. Woe is the red faced parent, flushed with an equal dose of horror and embarrassment and awash with the feeling that every eye in the universe is upon them at that very moment. But kids are kids, they are curious; they aren't about tact and subtlety. If they have a question, they are going to ask it in the earshot of, well, anyone really.
We hit up Twitter to ask parents about sticky questions they have had to answer from their children while on vacation. Here is a sampling:
@MusingsFromMe I had costumed characters stand next to kids. Kids asked why I let a stranger stand with them.
@jodifur “Do we live here now?”
@ilinap “Why is that kid sucking his mom's nipple?” Yes, this happened to me when my kids saw one of their new found friends leap out of the pool onto his mom's lap to breastfeed because he was thirsty ( as he explained). The kid was 5.
@sharonduchemin you mean like, “Why is that (drunk) woman acting so funny?”
@selfishmom When staying in a hotel, my son always wakes up and asks the same question: “When is the breakfast man going to be here?”
Sometimes your kids won't ask YOU the questions, they'll ask someone else. Check out this doozy:
@thisfullhouse: Kids to grandparents, “Are you and grandpa gonna lock your door and make noise like mommy and daddy, do?”
Kids are curious. Certainly their curiosity is piqued when they find themselves in a new place with much to take in. And yes, that grandpa in the Speedo is most likely going to get their attention. So what is a parent to do? Spend the week pretending to be hard of hearing? Take a few steps away from the questioning kid and act like you've never seen that child before in your life? It’s been done, but we’re not recommending it.
You might try a pre-emptive strike. Prepare your kids for cultural aspects of your trip which may be new to them. When you speak of your upcoming vacation, incorporate info about languages they may hear and foods they can try, along with a sampling of cultural norms . And when your kid “pops the question,” whether it be at home or away, well… be honest
We also polled parents on Facebook about how they might answer “Why is that woman topless?” Here are a few responses parents offered as their answers of choice:
“Because the sun feels good on a woman's boobies.”
“Maybe she wants to get more vitamin D.”
“It’s legal in this country to be at the beach without wearing a shirt, but everyone still needs to wear sunscreen!”
Even though our kids can handle the truth, sometimes it’s parents who are more uncomfortable with it. Not that we want our kids to lie, we don’t, but sometimes it’s just difficult to explain something truthfully and at the same time feel comfortable about saying it. So do you tell them the truth? Yes, and you’ve gotta figure out how much truth and when to tell it. Here is how one mom handled her daughter’s not-so-helpful observation:
@SVMom “Mommy, your tummy is hanging out of your bathing suit.” And my response? “You know YOU did that to me!” Said with a smile of course!
Despite your effort to teach Cultural Anthropology/Sociology 101 to your kids you still might find yourself being asked a question which catches you off guard. It’s bound to happen. It’s impossible to anticipate every situation. Who could predict your child would appear to be ignoring the two men holding hands strolling on the beach, yet a few minutes later ask you loudly, “Is Uncle Paul gay like those guys?” So now you know your child has more awareness than you may have realized. But does this mean you have to spend hours answering their questions and lose focus on your vacation? No.
Consider children and their questions much like you would think about a press conference; kids are really a lot like journalists and if they are on an investigative beat, they will most likely be tenacious and keep asking follow-up questions until they have an answer. Does this mean a parent has to continue giving answers for hours on end? No. What it means is once you’ve determined the question has been asked and answered to YOUR satisfaction and comfort level you need not continue. It’s one thing to be asked “Are those two men boyfriend and boyfriend?” and casually answer, “They could be. I don’t really know” and then wait for a follow-up question about your answer. It’s quite another to over-inform your child from the get-go by giving your 4 year old a history lesson about the Stonewall Riots .Most kids don’t need much more than a sentence or two to satisfy their inquiring minds. And should kids catch you on the spot, you’re mind goes blank and you’re not sure how to answer, no need to panic. “I don’t know. Let me get back to you on that in a minute” is a useful and easy stalling technique.
But if you think your little Katie Couric or miniature Anderson Cooper is going to forget the follow-up, think again!
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